Handling the tough stuff

It has been two very long weeks. Lately, I haven't felt like talking much, let alone actually typing and writing out any type of thoughts.

Recently, I have had to deal with something that feels quite alien to me: the passing away of a student. Most people would not have a problem with this, or, if they did, would be able to handle it easily.

I am not one of those people.

This is not something that I know how to deal with. Not to mention, it is an area that is shaded gray. I know how to feel when I loved one dies. Sad. Upset. Angry. Glad that they're not in pain anymore. They were close to me and I will look back fondly on our relationship.

Can't do that here.

Joe* was an excellent student. I remember the first day of class, he was so bored after completing a classwork assignment in under five minutes that I had to assign him three people to coach. He was bright, for sure, but also very reserved. He mostly kept to himself and only really interacted with people when it was necessary.

When we got to the more difficult math's (geometry, algebra and linear equations), he became the most attentive person. I would see him taking notes, answering questions, doing extra classwork, and very rarely did he finish an assignment as quickly as he finished that first one. He was a joy to teach. He never pestered me with silly questions, never complained and never turned in incomplete homework.

I saw him the day before he passed away. By then, he had already taken his G.E.D. exam. I was in the stride of a whole new class filled with new problems. He was sitting quietly at a lunch table. I said hello to him and smiled.

That was the last time I got to speak with him.

After recounting the events leading up to his passing, I noticed a couple of little things that were off about him but had written them off as a part of his introverted nature. Perhaps I was wrong. I wondered if I had done something wrong. Part of our jobs as teachers is to notice things that, normally, would go unnoticed.

I am sad to say that this man not only got his G.E.D. but also received the highest score in his class, making him our Valedictorian. I've been wracking my brain, trying to figure out something that we can do for him, to honor him. So far, everything that I've come up with sounds either too cheesy or too impossible to actually do.

In any case, it is just a little bit harder to understand the world when it feels like all the bright, talented and smart people are dying.





*The name has been changed for privacy reasons.